let the sun shine in

Stacy Ann, Whitney & Katarzyna were my favourites for ANTM Cycle 10. i rarely blog about this coz i'm partially embarrassed :$ but either hoo, it was sad to see Stacy Ann go, her pictures were very alluring and i could very much see that DJ (House) shot in some club hit singles release.

and gosh Katarzyna with her short hair is just uber awesome. but still i'm glad Whitney's around. it's time a Plus-Sized model finally got some recognition by being in the top 3. go Whitney! FTW!

i've decided to modify my blog settings a wee bit, coz i'm highly amused by the livejournal user of insanityme and his/her/it's pathetic attempts at feeble sarcasm (yes, pathetic attempts at something feeble even), so from now on,

love me or hate me, once you're not on my friends list, u've gotta wait for me to screen it. i know you love that i'm judging your comments and placing what i want on my blog, when i want and whom i want it for.

:)

too tired to video blog. will update tomorrow. but i just find insanityme just cute, coz it reminds me of jealousyouare.blogspot.com , some sad little likedyke who wants to know everyone but is probably too ugly or too disgraced to do a video blog, let alone something that is of substance.

go ahead bitch, little man, bitch!

amidst the annoying flakyness that embalms a few of my friends, i've finally found the innerpeace i've been longing for for a while. it's not someone, nor is it somewhere.

it's something that's from within, the little fountain of inner health and tranquility, the place where you accept yourself for where you are, who you are, what you have and who you are with. 

the essence of living is accepting reality and being anchored with contentment.  

tribulations may come but they won't stay for long. i take every pain staking sai kang the army makes me does as something temporal. i may not see the good in it, but i definitel know that the serve and fuck off rule really does apply in any (bad) situation you're in. 

i can't wait to grow. it's time for me to experience life and live through experiences, relishing every hardache and heartache with a future drop of nostalgia.

this innerpeace may be sweeping and fleeting, but i'm glad i've found it at least (or recovered it to be pragmatic), let's hope it stays for awhile, else let's hope it'll be easy to find it the next time round.

-------
on another note ....


TGIF was spent with my long time no see ELS buddy Bryner Poh, & the Regulars Daphne, Dean & Kenny where we were entertained by Kenny's singing debut @ Nonya Bistro near Bukit Merah Area. 

He's almost like a one man show, what with his antics & singalong songs, ending his 2 hour repertoire with Bleeding Love (the remix). Nonetheless, the service was bad, the food was mediocre & the seating was cramped. to quote Daphne, if it was't for Kenny, we wouldn't be in that place in the first place. 

on another note, happy birthday to my lesbian partner-crime Eddie Ignatius!. we celebrated his birthday at Astons on Saturday along Upper East Coast Road. the food's fucking awesome though the queue was fucking nuts as well. but that price rivals that of Botak Jones and best of al, ti bears a resemblance to swensens with its charming little lamps. more could be said about the air conditioning, i swear i left a butt sweat mark on the cushion seats before i left. 

after which we headed over to quaint little cafe near Siglap entitled Royale Cafe, that served gelato for $3.20 for 2 scoops. that's incredibly good i tell ya! after which, an (in)sane bus ride home with cheryl, the 2 ladies & P2KN2.

Making myself bronze tanned over the weekend & a haircut AND! Lunch with dodo Debbie over Ichiban Boshi & B&J Icecream, i can say that though my weekend seems more tame that the past few weeks, i've thoroughly enjoyed myself and would like this short weekend (LABOUR DAY!) to be even shorter! 

for now, it's an exercise tomorrow outfield, for the first time since September last year. let's get dirtaye!

from http://theloveyougave.livejournal.com

I'm currently feeling angry (yes, angry) and i thought what pastor ming said is so true:

Sometimes, loving God is so much more easier than loving people. 

Because he' s understanding, compassionate and lovely. 

Sometimes, i do have the urge to strangle people. But i'm reminded that we do not fight against flesh and blood, instead, we fight against the principalities and powers of hell. God made man and his commandment is to love them as ourselves; the world will know that we're Jesus' disciples by the love we have for one another. So inasmuch as i'm like Simon Peter (always complaining about other people and how they get on my nerves), i choose to control and keep my mouth shut, minding only my own business because that thing that very someone did is between him/her and God, it's not between me, the person and God. All i have to do is to bind satan and all his annoying attacks, and yield myself to God totally, obeying him by living out the ten commandments and lastly, loving Him wholeheartedly and loving people fervently. 

I'll love the unlovable. And i'll be able to do it because in Christ, i am made more than a conqueror and i choose to be like Jesus, in his thoughts, speech and actions. 

Cheers to another day of victory with Christ.

preachy preachy. peachy peachy.  (replied via a comment as shown below)

hi althea, it's been a while. u seem to be .. as radical as ever.

would like to thank you for your support and morale boosts when i was back in church. as much as i've moved on. i see that nothing in you has changed from a perspective of someone who was once like you. just less ... zealous.

or rather, not zealous, but.. flaky.

i'm sorry for being rather harsh, but i have to tell you from my point of view. you can deliver the cliche line of "people's opinions don't matter, God does" .. if it doesn't. then why are you so out to prove your zealous attitude with words, rhyme, time and time again? doesn't action speak louder than words?

previously you were on my MSN list, where everyday, it'd be a msn nick of full zealousness that bordered on being flaky and downright shouting "I'M READY FOR A PROMOTION!" but the fact that you are still where you are in terms of the leader's eyes, doesn't it show something? that actions sometimes speak louder than words.

maybe the leaders think that if they were to give you a heavier responsibility would you incorrectly (or rather, be politically incorrect) misuse that breach of trust by flaunting it [discreetly, in your opinion] to the lesser members.

i was once one of the small plankton amidst the whole rank and chart thing in the megachurch. and it's no less than 10 times throughout my 2 years stay in there that you've been trying your best to channel wads known as a bend over backwards attitude towards the higher ranks and giving a holier-than-thou countenance to the younger ones.

i respect that you admire your leaders alot and that you have a love for God. that shows, but the fact that it's reflecting such a misinterpreted manner shows disgust to many a member, or ex-member.

i may not be a mind reader, but previous members who have left (or to be PC, on a break) the church, take notice of your bred behaviour and do not think highly of you, due to the fact that you rub your flaky, holier-than-thou attitude in everyone's faces.

sometimes, quietly doing your thing, shows that you're not doing it for the limelight or for the acceptance from your leaders, but by your genuine love for PEOPLE and for GOD.

i'm not perfect, but at least i'm not at a point where i have to lie through my teeth to be accepted by people whom matter to me. if the leaders and God matter to you (note that i don't state friends), then u should practice what you preach, and don't go up to a hill and announce this, pronounce that, denounce everything else.

just do it quietly, and God will see. i'm sure that's written in the bible.

something for you to chew on, i do hope that you realise that i'm writing this out of a matter of fact and that i harbour no ill feelings towards God at all. His word and belief has spread happiness, hope, love & faith towards millions in this world and will continue to do so. apologies for the harsh words, but it has come to a point where i'm (in the words of popular charmistics) "manifesting" and i do not wish to hold it back longer.

i believe that i'm speaking up for more than just a handful to not just you, but for many others who behave in a way that does not give us a good view on you, nor on the representation of the church. My apologies for the harsh statements, but if you being extreme on your feelings towards your contributions, so will i be on my opinions.

Godspeed.

much sincerity,
isaac timothy chan zhi yang
ex member  ___
__74 (last posted CG)

i've decided to post this up amidst my other thoughts so as to suggest to other practicing christians not to be so airy fairy. know your intentions and motivations for your actions, especially if you care what God sees about you.

• carpe-ing the diem.
  
  (i indulge in)
  cherries. shellfish. salmon. martinis. hoegarden. sushi.
  
  (i actively participate in)
  beach volley. swimming. running.
  
  (i favour)
  red. solitude. cool air. tranquil. good comedies. ben&jerries
  
  (i chill with )
  my DB Loves. my Bestie. my Foodies Committee, my Signal Buddies.
  
  (i believe in)
  a superior being. one who holds the heavens and earth in hand.
  
  (i long for)
  an awesome mp3. a flat screen TV for my room. that body.
  
  (i go by this)
  being loved makes you feel secure. loving someone makes you feel alive.
  
  (i go for)
  anyone who makes me smile like a moron. angry like a volcano. hurt like an open wound. cry like a river. sulk like a lemon and loved like i'm walking on air.

• Who I Want to Meet:
  

  the man that made me understand myself better.
  
  the boy that never knew how love felt.
  
  the woman who knew maturity came with age.
  
  the girl that left me once breathless.

i'm gonna die an old maid with 56 kittens in my house. my bag will smell like a month old ham and my hair will have split ends the fortitude of Samson & Delilah.

oh stupid flings. oh stupid castaways. i'd like to say that i wanna take a break, but then again, who am i kidding? ha. i'll always be there on weekends. they say one you announce a pact or a self-vow to people, chances are, it will be or has broken already.

t's sweltering hot outside and i feel like taking a dip in the cold pool, but The Matriach is like bonked out dead sleeping so i don't really wanna bother her. i guess i'll just stay in this air-conditioned room while looking outside @ the blaring hot sun. at least it's not like camp.

oh wait, it is EXACTLY like camp.

and i've got an exam tomorrow and i've not studied. at. all.

on another note, WELCOME BACK COMMANDO CLEMENT & COMMANDO BRYNNER :) it was nice partying with ya guys last nite. i'm glad ya all came back safely from Tom Yam Thailand.

and if love could speak, i'd be a friggin K-Box nonestop.

i hate qing ming. wait no. i respect it. but going for it 2 freakin times for both sides of the family is rather OTT for me.

i wish i could just skip it. heck no. i'll just go back to the GOR and i'll pass dinner. i wanna be alone.

somehow, i'm deeply appreciative of being back on course and having cold evening weather in the north of singapore.

it's as though i'm actually LIKING morning fitness exercise. 

okay. let's just do a little shitty thing like a Meme or something. i got this from popthemusicdrug 

----

KNOW THY BLOGGER

does it matter to you if your bf/gf smoke?
i'm alright just frickin get a breath mint.


How about drinking?
best!


Do you want someone you cant have?
most of the time i've always been.


If someone liked you right now,would u want them to tell u?
of course, who doesn't like to know that he/she's being loved.


Whats your favorite sport?
beach volleyball, swimming.


Do you like roller coasters?
would you believe i've never gone for a loop-dee-loop and/or corkscrew, but i wouldn't mind.

When's the perfect time to have a boyfriend/girl?
it's never a bad time.


If you could date any celebrity,who would it be?
Lucy Liu.


What's your favorite band?
The All American Rejects


What are you doing this weekend?
maybe working, else going for a faaaabulous tan with tammi.


Do you usually fall for the right or wrong girl/boy?
Wrong for my own good, but right in every aspect.


Have you ever hugged someone?
of course

Ever kissed someone you weren't attracted to?
thanks to Mr Absolut, yes.


Do you like anyone right now?
yup!


What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
shoulders. the thing for shoulderblades. and chest. HAHA.


Which do you prefer, beach or the mountains?
beach


What kind of phone do you have?
a prehistoric kind.


Computer or laptop?
computer


What should you be doing right now?
CCNA. (HAHAHA. figure it out bitches)


What is your favorite tv show?
Will & Grace. haha. i can't wait to youku.com it when i get home.


Color?
RED


Would you want a chilled laid backgf/bf or a party animal?
laid back. there's only room for one party animal. :P


Have you ever fallen on your butt in front of a crowd of people?`.
in the dance floor boogeyin, unfortunately yes. :$


What do you do when you're at home?
youku.com -ing Will & Grace and youtube-ing ANTM with a tubba ice cream.


What's your favorite subject?
English


Favorite type of music?
Progressive House & Handbag remix.


What side of the bed do you sleep on?
it's only a super single.


What's the best feature about you would say?
ability to make one feel good about himself/herself by lying thru my teeth =p


What/who annoys you?
body odour. and people without any grace rambling on about their self obsessed boring lives.


If you had one super power, whatwould it be?
invisible mode?teleport?super memory?
Morph.

Ever gone to saturday school?
it's 5 days in singapore, bitches.


Been kicked out of class?`
nopes! was the fat kid stuffing his face and wore his pants damn high.


Are you a jealous person?
roar!

Are you friends with people that you shouldnt be friends with?
mmmmm. my inner circle, no. my casual friends. too many to name!

 so i'm back in camp on a mundane week starting again. it feels better than last week where my life was compromised on Will & Grace on youku.com and a chunka tub of ice cream. 

actually, that isn't that bad.

my weekend was spent with people i really loved and cherish in my heart. be it the karmic twin that knows what my heart really wants (or pinches my tits in public just coz i used ghetto talk "squeeeeeze me?!") or its the euphoric group of DB Loves that made my saturday on a frenzied high without (much) alcohol. 

the nights at Breko couldn't get any brighter as we, like a marketplace full of aunties bargaining over who's ahem, eggs are any fresher, drowned our mundane lives toiled by the stresses of army, exams and for departures to endeavours abroad. 

Victoria Bitters, Asahi Dry, Stella Artois - thanks for your liquifying presence that engulfed our group.

you can see clearly now that i am EXTREMELY bored in camp as i'm actually exhalting bottles of beer that made my groups night good (when all can say that it was us ourselves)

things are gonna change in times to come, and this time, it's no one's fault.

someone's going to Australia to study for more than a mere few months, and it breaks my heart to know that there'll be one less person on our regular dinner meetups, one that brings gift presentations and photo collages to a whole new level! one who's car makes that kawaii cute sound when it's going on reverse and one who's a culinary-gastronomia-insertcoolauthenticchefdescribingword never to turn down an offer to apply his skills.

another one is going to U.S of Freaking A for a few months. Words fail to describe what she does to the group. be it her infectious laughter or her big accomodating heart. one thing's for sure, it won't be as "awesome possum" as it will be when she's around.

Alaric & Mabel. journey's blessing and enjoy yourself for the ride of your lifetime. you will be missed but the best part is you guys will come back! 

okay. close emo talk for the day.

bah, i'm slowly picking up speed into trainee life again, not the course that i want (but whatever!), my bunkmates and i are on a similar wavelength so i guess i'm cool with that. getting fitter's a plus point so let's just take the good with the bad and the crappy with the mad. 

Godpa called last nite and we chatted for a while, it's great to hear him and to see a man i respect so much still remembering me from his jetsetting/globetrotting endeavours. I can't wait to meet up with him next week. He's also got some job offers that would like me to publicise, which involves PR, Marketing and many other aspects of a growing MNC. i wouldn't like to give away the barn, but he's in health and beauty line, so he's looking for youthful vibrant teens who are able to carry themselves off well and are eloquent in their expressions. females preferred, but if you're a guy and you're interested, drop me a line.

Qing Ming was commemorated yesterday as my maternal side went to the Garden of Remembrance to pay our respects to my Dad, Grandmas & Pas and a few other relatives. It gives you the peace in your heart to give your own wellness on life some gratitude. coz as much as vitamin pills, protein shots and botox can do, life is indeed fragile.

i badly need to talk to bestie. it's been a long time since we humemd and hawwed over coffee. there was a paradigm shift in my life last weekend in the relationships department (in general) and i think he'll know what's best for me. 

and i've decided to W.A.I.T again. and no. it's not a lesbian female band ala T.A.T.U. 

coz it's You and I together.

i'd like to say thank you for the wonderful times we've had. though we go our seperate ways, i'm still here, as a friend, coz i still froth up :X

well, looking forward to the rest of what saturday can give me. meeting up with my gorgeous karmic twin for dinner followed up by my CCWA DB <3s .. insert in the MET and it'll be tropical euphoria.

note tropical thanks to the uppity weather situation we have here. so much for my suntan.

anyone knows how to remove child bearing hips? i'm feeling damn pear shaped. no wait, i AM pear shaped.

purchases made before my course started. a total of $230? i'm lovin' street wear. and i should start saving up for a Freitag bag. sayonara Crumpler(?)

1. If your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you, what will your reaction be?
hell hath no fury like a bitchin' Isaac scorned.

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
make a "friend" gesture.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
haha. blue roses. period.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
for the rest of the year? quite.

5. What's your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend like?
i shan't answer this at this very point.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
being loved makes you secure. loving makes you feel alive.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
it depends. but depending on how strong i'm fond of that person, i willl.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
flirt, but don't give away the barn.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
so many things. the army in particular.

10. How do you want to live your life?
saturated with experience. and money of course :)

11. Is being tagged fun?
on facebook? why yes!

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
i'd be like bitch please.  squeeeeeze me?

13. Where of all places would you think you'd find your dream girl/guy?
i'd say for me.. maybe a mutual friends party?

14. What is currently the most important goal on your mind?
getting into the vocation in army i want.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
of course single and rich. at least i can buy a bride :P

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
well TRICK QUESTION! duh. if i secretly like someone, then cannot be recognized wad. tsk!

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
no. no one's worth 100%

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
the one that crossed the road first *drum roll*

19.What type of friends do you like?
people who are indeed human, non-airheads *nudges jason*

20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
LOL. well duh! and if it's someone i'm fond of or is on my good books, i'd say the nulling-4-letterword. LOVEE!
if it's someone whom i ain't too chunky, i mean, chummy about, i'd laugh harder =p

now the gist is that, i have to tag 8 people now. and these 8 ppl have to replace one question they don't like from the above list with one of theirs and then they have to forward this meme to another 8 ppl (totally different from the sender) and so on and so forth.

a bit leychey but hey, it's a saturday night and i'm gonna start drinking at home by myself. swet!

but come to think of it. most of my friends don't do memes. so this one ends with me :P whoever wants t forward it by all means go ahead!

PS: godpa just called after a long time, and funnily enough, during tanning just now i thought of him. :)

hi and a big fuck you to the mayor of know-it-all-ville.

if being judged by what i place on the internet PURELY, is what YOU think is who i am. then fucking go ahead. talk about me being the more dense one in the relationship, mr frog in the well.

if you'd stop being a virginal, self-victimizing, selfish prick, you would UNDERSTAND my consequence instead of fucking being such an avril lavigne and blog-suiciding yourself.

if i tell you that i dont' mind meeting you today, you had to just ask that if i want my own space. for a intelligent person, you can't seem to comprehend the words "I WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU TODAY". stop trying to justify yourself for being some knight in fucking shining armour by being so oh-so-chivalrous by asking TIME AND FUCKING TIME AGAIN.

this isn't the fucking medievals, this is fuckin' maturity. get that.

just coz you don't have the fucking experience doesn't mean that you don't have fucking EQ. get a life dude. don't think you're the victim, we both are.

i was looking fwd to meeting you today, but you just HAD to throw your little holier-than-thou shit at my face.

and my cute partition? bitch please, you're new to all this, so shut teh fuck up and listen. if i don't wanna talk to you for a bit, NOR talk about something which you're uncomfortable about, isn't this better? doesn't mean i have to CODDLE and fucking CLING onto you for every rhyme and reason. coz guess what, a healthy relationship isn't OBSESSIVE. it's UNDERSTANDING where the other FUCKING person is COMING FROM.

fucking hell, it gets me so irate that i have to educate so much. so many spelling errors i don't even wanna spellcheck. fuck this. i'm going drinking tonight. who's up?

sometimes in our life, there are some people whom we take almost an entire lifetime to get over. it's like this bleeding love you have, without Leona Lewis.

it's like this scab you see on your knee, it's gonna be there t remind you that hey, that's how you fell and that's how you got it. and once you start picking on it again, you see blood and it's almost like a rush to the head.

every now and then, i see your friendster, and it gets me very emotional as usual, as i glance through photos after photos. and as i try to recollect the many Ben&Jerrys moments we've had. or the very tender moments we've made. i can't help but wonder, that would i have been way happier now if i hadn't made that fatal mistake.

i miss you. i choose not to forget you. 

 oh hello there, i'm back at my original computer lab using my original computer which i used to blog when i was a trainee before. seems just like yesterday i was here grumbling about my life. well. i still am (so deal with that beeyotches!)

who has

• World (Hold On) - Bob Sinclair? or the remix?

• Bleeding Love (Moto Blanco Remix)? or other remixes too?

and i'm going back on course tomorrow. so say hello to stay-ins and tranquility. making new friends and foes, and of course, more gymming and running at night in camp.

somehow, i'm happy but bored as well.

if things don't go your way or as planned, then don't be so i-told-you-so about it. nor be forlorn, nor be that bitchy about it.

my advice against yours.

i'm gonna hit the gym and swimming pool now. badly need a tan. though i wish i would have one that's free for the rest of my army life.